Plastic Jesus. Cool Hand Luke

Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes,Long as I have my plastic JesusRiding on the dashboard of my carThrough all trials and tribulations, We will travel every nation,With my plastic Jesus I'll go far. CHORUSPlastic Jesus, plastic JesusRiding on the dashboard of my carThrough my trials and tribulations,And my travels thru the nations,With my plastic Jesus I'll go far. I don't care if it rains or freezesAs long as I've got my Plastic JesusGlued to the dashboard of my car,You can buy Him phosphorescentGlows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant,Take Him with you when you're travelling far I don't care if it's dark or scaryLong as I have magnetic MaryRidin' on the dashboard of my carI feel I'm protected amplyI've got the whole damn Holy FamilyRiding on the dashboard of my car You can buy a Sweet MadonnaDressed in rhinestones sitting on aPedestal of abalone shellGoin' ninety, I'm not wary'Cause I've got my Virgin MaryGuaranteeing I won't go to Hell I don't care if it bumps or jostlesLong as I got the Twelve ApostlesBolted to the dashboard of my carDon't I have a pious messSuch a crowd of holinessStrung across the dashboard of my car ALT CHORUSNo, I don't care if it rains or freezesLong as I have my plastic JesusRiding on the dashboard of my carBut I think he'll have to goHis magnet ruins my radioAnd if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar Riding through the thoroughfareWith his nose up in the airA wreck may be ahead, but he don't mindTrouble coming, he don't seeHe just keeps his eyes on meAnd any other thing that lies behind ALT CHORUSPlastic Jesus, Plastic JesusRiding on the dashboard of my carThough the sun shines on his backMakes him peel, chip, and crackA little patching keeps him up to par When pedestrians try to crossI let them know who's bossI never blow my horn or give them warningI ride all over townTrying to run them downAnd it's seldom that they live to see the morning ALT CHORUSPlastic Jesus, Plastic JesusRiding on the dashboard of my carHis halo fits just right And I use it as a sightAnd they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far When I'm in a traffic jam He don't care if I say DamnI can let all sorts of curses rollPlastic Jesus doesn't hearFor he has a plastic earThe man who invented plastic saved my soul ALT CHORUSPlastic Jesus, Plastic JesusRiding on the dashboard of my carOnce his robe was snowy whiteNow it isn't quite so brightStained by the smoke of my cigar God made Christ a Holy JewGod made Him a Christian tooParadoxes populate my carJoseph beams with a feigned elanFrom the shaggy dash of my furlined vanFamous cuckold in the master plan Naughty Mary, smug and smilingJesus dainty and beguilingKnee-deep in the piling of my vanHis message clear by night or day My phosphorescent plastic GaySimpering from the dashboard of my van When I'm goin' fornicatinI got my ceramic SatanSinnin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor HomeThe women know I'm on the levelThanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devilRidin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor HomeSneerin' from the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor HomeLeering from the dashboard of my van If I weave around at nightAnd the police think I'm tightThey'll never find my bottle, though they askPlastic Jesus shelters meFor His head comes off, you seeHe's hollow, and I use Him for a flask ALT CHORUSPlastic Jesus, plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my carRide with me and have a dram Of the blood of the Lamb Plastic Jesus is a holy bar There is nothin that is cuterthan a smilin Jolly Buddha,Ridin on the dashboard of my car,I don't have no idol cuter,comes in plastic, bronze and pewter,Take him with me when I go afar. Jolly Buddha, fat and squattin,on a pad of aspirin cotton,He's with me wherever I may roam,When it's late and I start to hurry,I know he ain't gonna worry,He looks at me and all he says is, "Oooommmmmmm." There is nothing that is gaucherThan eatin food that isn't kosher,Right in front of my smilin Moses' face,I'm afraid that he'll awakenWhen I'm eatin ham or bacon,And throw them Ten Commandments in my face. I don't care if I'm broke or starvin'As long as I've got a fish named DarwinGlued to the trunklid of my carGod, I'm feeling so evolvedDrivin' with my problems solvedProclaiming what I think of what we are Riding home one foggy night,With my honey cuddled tight,I missed a curve and off the road we veered.My windshield got smashed-up good,And my darling graced the hood.Plastic Jesus, He had disappeared. cho: Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus,No longer chides me with His holy grin.Doctors in the X-ray roomFound Him in my darling's womb.Someday, He'll be born again! I don't care if it rains or freezesLong as I got my plastic JesusRiding on the dashboard of my carHe's the dude with the rusty nails,Walks on water, don't need no sailsRiding on the dashboard of me car I don't care if the night is scaryAs long as I got the Virgin MarySittin' on the dashboard of my car.She don't slip and she don't slideCuz her butt is magnetizedSittin' on the dashboard of my car. Now I'm feeling quite contrary,cos I got the Virgin Mary Sitting on the dashboard of my car There's no room for imperfection,in my Catholic collection Which sits upon the dashboard of my car Jesus, Mary and St. Patrick,now I've got the holy hat-trick Sitting on the dashboard of my car One more statue I've got to getis the plastic BernadetteSitting on the dashboard of my car Plastic Jesus, you've got to go,your magnet's burst my radio Sitting on the dashboard of my car But I, won't lose faith and I won't lose hope cos, now I've got a pope on a rope Swinging from the dashboard of my car Once as I drove to Knock,at a petrol station I got a shock at the special offers that they had for me 20 more points and I can barter for a Jesus with stigmata to sit upon the dashboard of my car.